Toxic personalities are extremely emotionally negatively charged. They spark at everything and everyone they touch. How anyone can ever deal successfully with toxic workmates can often be a mystery. In fact, many people much prefer to be transferred to another department altogether. And sometimes violence can erupt. The appearance of this volatile person in any company – business or social – can be really bad news. The very first thing I learnt is fear not this aggravating one.
The Toxic Personality
To pin down who this toxic personality really is may take the explanation of Dr. Phil. I certainly won’t even try. It may be because of such a complex and abusive time in the life of this person, or some mental issues. Whatever it is, it is the final situation that affects each person around him or her and how we can deal with it that really matters.
This strangely offensive behaviour is really just the opposite in desire. You see, this toxic personality is really just like a very naughty child craving for attention, but in an adult body (assuming this is so).
Deal With Mr. or Ms. Naughty Like A Child
If this person was a child, it would appear to be much easier to deal with. But I’ve lived with some abusive personalities and this is so true.
A very long time ago, I observed an old relative deal with such abusive behaviours with such adroitness I’m still in awe today. And I have used this method over and over again because it works in most situations and when kept up long enough, it works all the time.
Here are 7 steps to deal with that toxic personality:
1) Project very powerfully in your mind at this toxic person that he or she is just a very naughty child in need of your guidance, vis-a-vis discipline. You’re the headmaster, he’s the student. If you understand this step, you are already 95% of the way there.
2) Carry that powerful intention above into your voice as you address that person about whatever issue it is. Be aware of your position (leader, boss, or just a peer) in that situation. Always treat that person with respect in your words. NEVER Insult! You’d be risking a huge blow up.
3) Know that this person has a very fragile ego and uses any excuse to become toxic or vicious. The words he or she uses is one where many people get insulted. His or her intention is always to hurt the next person so that he or she “appears” superior in some way. You see, people typically avoid confrontation and this person knows that. Therefore, such behaviour happens to become a learned weapon.
4) Your powerfully intentioned voice will literally scare this person who will be totally unprepared for this new emotionally powerful person. Are you to be feared? Yes, absolutely! You’re letting him or her know you’ve got his or her number and you’re pushing all the buttons. Say something like,” Hey, XXX. About that “issue” I’d like to have a word with you.”
5) Look into that person’s eyes as you say that and look for clues to his personality. To be general say again, “I HEARD that something about “issue” and I can SEE you FEEL strongly about it.” “Is there something I can do to help us all deal with that “issue”?” It matters not how verbally loud or eloquent he or she is. This person will balk severely.
6) Pause. Watch for a reaction. Wait for a response. This person is likely to back off totally. Expect It. Otherwise, the response will be understandably incoherent as egos are often being salvaged right here. Let him or her do so.
7) Do it again if and when it happens. But know that you win by letting that person walk away. DO NOT Pressure the situation already won.
By the way, if you assume that I was dealing with that common bully everyone knows about, yes, you’re perfectly right. Most people deal with bullies very badly. Tough guy reactions get just the same.
You can even teach your child this by working through it step by step. The first step is the most important. I have with numerous children including my own and it works every single time. And better yet, you should watch the self esteem in the bullied kids rise into fully fledged confidence. Teach your esteemed colleagues this and observe the peace that follows in your work or social place. You’d be duly delighted.