This loneliness. So long ago I walked in the Himalayan Forest near a place where I lived. I lived there but it wasn’t home. I’ve walked this path before but I felt so lost. Longing for a salvation that I cannot see. No one else liked it here. It’s a place of fearful legends. But at least I can pray to the higher power I know can provide me deliverance.
I lived in fear, anger and guilt all rolled into this skinny frame I dared to call a body. It didn’t feel like ‘my’ body. It felt as though I belonged to my tormentor. I still recall it but at least the pain of the experience no longer gives me nightmares and open terror. Well, actually, I’ll dare say I’ve defeated him. But it took many decades.
This wilderness offered me a glimpse of nature at its most primal. A wild civet cat instilled the primal fear of death or survival into a hunted squirrel. The scuffle only took mere seconds and it was over. The winner won. That was success. The loser unfortunately for it meant losing everything. But in the great scheme of life here, that’s good for the survival of the fittest. And I thought if the squirrel was smarter, it would have escaped.
Learn from your past mistakes. When you do, you become more powerful. I learnt that along my self-development past, present and for the future. I realized that in whatever I do, there will always be more powerful adversaries in the predatory world I belonged. Therefore, since I have survived, I have learnt something about survival. I continued to learn and develop until one day, I could outsmart that slaver and this part of the world I have no wish to suffer in.
One horrible day, I remembered running into the cold, cold monsoon rains and stayed for many hours in this dark and forbidding wildnerness. I had to get away. I was in my early teens then. I can’t recall if the monsoon rains or my tears flowed more freely. Fast forward many decades, but I used that event to sling shot me into the future I had carved out for myself. I had decided to get even smarter than the smartest of the successful people. I learnt from them and became them. One by one I put their knowledge together. Yes, I learnt to be smarter. If a fox can outsmart me, I will learn its ways to overcome that situation.
Top Of The Mountain
Here I am looking from the top of a mountainous place. I see water and lakes. The cool, clean air refreshes. I am in touch with the source of my mentors. In fact, it’s so wonderful a feeling this freedom ‘my’ body rejoices. Tears come but these are happy ones, not the millions of buckets of the salty anguished ones that had drained from my eyes.
It’s good to see where I go from here. I want to be there now. As the I-Ching teaches one about the stream of time, the future meets the past in the present. As I tell the now the goals I want to achieve, the present meets my past in the present in little steps. As I reach out to the future, my past is being changed by my desire for the new present of my desires. I dare say this is self determination at it’s most powerful. This is all the emotional power I can muster.
I am reaching the top of the mountain and commune with my universe. My mentors beckon. I am becoming my own mentor of my journey. Get out of the forest and part-take of the blue skies and clear air my friends.