Tough Guy’s Fear Of Appearing A Softie

by BizMum

You know the tough guy who is so fearful of appearing a softie he will prefer to use gruff language and behaviour even during the most poignant of times. He’s also known as the tough nut with a soft centre. I’m not quite sure if I should help this person understand it is the strength of a person who can let the ‘soft’ or emotional side show or others understand him. But perhaps, using a friend who was a former military officer as an example will help. He scoffs at such a thing as a tough guy’s fear. He says too many men become mice in the face of total failure.

Fear of Appearing a Softie

Tough Guys. The Fear of Appearing a Softie.

It’s a highly mental thing. It’s more to do with the discomfort of ‘appearing’ a softie than the actual act of being one. Being ‘emotional’ appears in society to say you are a fruitcake and not in control of your senses and can’t stand up for yourself. Using that analogy, all feelings are dispensed with in the misconception that it makes one weak. Remember the stories of fathers yelling at their sons to never shed a tear? Well, that still happens. You’ve heard of coaches of sports teams screaming at their players to grin and bear it; get up and go regardless of any pain.

These supermen tough norms are even more strictly entrenched within the military for their reasons that they want men who will do whatever it takes despite injury and in the face of fire. In reality, once on the battle field, the powers that be really want a whole race of robots to do their bidding without question. “You want me to go and lose all my limbs in a flash of fire? We’ll do it sir!” And as unbelievable as it seems, it happens every single day! Ask the men on the front lines. They speak not openly but under their breaths and often curse the day they did so, yet they don’t even know why they obeyed. All they know is that they are treated as ‘cry-babies’ if they complain about their distraught feelings.

Does all this getting rid of emotions in society’s norms appropriate? It leaves the ideals of becoming that super tough automaton or impervious living robot…a cyborg. How does that help society in a wider scale I know not. The regrets of soldiers, some of the bravest of men and women we think we know will always one day confess that it is one of the hardest things in life to do is to keep up the facade of being super tough. It’s like keeping up with the Jones’ or in this case, what the Commander demands. That is, until everything about being human crumbles into a teary, broken and emotional heap. Mental problems and suicides are surprisingly common in the military. Some say it’s the number one cause of death there. Have you ever wondered why?

The Real Tough Guy

So, you think you know what it takes to be a real tough guy? I’ve known of some, or at least I thought I did until I started to learn about a few really tough men. And to my surprise, they are the very ones who will speak about their failings that led to their self growth and overcoming their challenges. They have come never to fear the word ‘softie’ because they have lived at rock bottom and on the edge of their very existence. To be able to overcome one’s shortcomings, one must face and acknowledge one’s failures. Rising to the challenge again and again is what makes one truly tough. These very few people are the very ones who have accomplished so much that it seems to be impossible. In fact that is exactly what they have done to the last man or woman.

If you understand such men, they are quite rare. You will realise that they are the very ones who have gone through hell and high water to be where they are today. Yet, these are the very same people who have come to terms with their emotions and anything that has ever happened to them has become stepping stones to their greater achievements. They are very much willing to tell of their experiences to teach and inspire others to do the same.

The images we often have ourselves when we think of a tough guy is what the comics, books and movies portray. Yes, no doubt, many are. But only at that moment of action they appear tough. You see, when in the military, when one is driven from all senses in the heat of battle is not courage but madness. Often, it is more about the fear of death that creates this indomitable rage to kill. Rage is not courage. And once in a while someone will rise to challenge the impossible. This act of sacrifice sometimes will save everyone else at a very high cost to that person. But sometimes, this rare individual survives to fight another day. This is the real tough guy. It also happens in everyday life and in everyday situations.