What does confidence mean to you? It very much depends on your experience and what you have come to expect from life. The Emotions that destroy confidence are at the root of your ‘level’ of confidence. Regardless of what your achievement or lack thereof is, it is the feeling you have developed that gives confidence or even courage to go ahead. It is the choice to take the next step in expectation of the resulting experience. Let me explain.
The Causes that Destroy Confidence
Have you ever envied those rare characters who seem to be the first ones to grab the best seats or the best positions in anything they do? You think it takes courage. But in reality, it is because they lack a certain mindset the rest have. And those are emotionally charged feelings like fear, guilt and worry.
1) Frozen by Fear – A fearsome dog jumps out at you from a neighbour’s yard and bares its fangs with the most blood curdling growl. You’d think anybody would have been frozen by fear. It’s a comforting thought that you’re not alone in this feeling but it does not help your situation. You can’t run or move or take any action. You smell of prey. You are in total fear and the dog knows it.
Now, I would not advocate yelling or running or challenging the beast to a fight. But have you really sized up the situation? You see, it’s your mind that has frozen and your body follows your mind’s commands. Now, what happens if that was a child you needed to rescue, what would you do? You’ll notice the size of the dog. Was it sick or just fearful, or a total nutcase? Can the child run away? Perhaps there was a weapon you can use. Perhaps, the dog was threatening to a child but not to an adult.
Often, fear makes the threat appear much larger than it actually is. You see, the threat has yet to actually attack you. You worry and fear it might. Since it has yet to happen, you can still take action. Your senses would do anything to rescue you. And in most situations like these, the apparent victim gets away safely if your mind had thawed enough to take action.
2) Guilt Written All Over Your Face – Are one of these people? Just like the cat that got into the cream, the evidence is all there for the world to see. In fact, by your very facial expressions or behaviour, a child can sense a guilty person. But, what on earth are you being guilty about? Is it because you are worried you will fail to accomplish something? Perhaps your experiences in the past have come to nought because you never believed in yourself and what you can accomplished.
The main reason missing from your life is really because you do not have a dream. Or perhaps, you did not believe in this dream of your. It was either too large that you knew you could never accomplish it or perhaps it was small enough, but your reason for achieving it was simply not enough. Your ‘why’ was perhaps far too small. It comes down to not believing in your dream or yourself. How can you tell? It’s simple. You do not feel the unshakeable joy when you think of that dream or when someone or an event challenges you on it.
3) The Worry Warts – people who the ones who worry so much about everything and what everyone thinks of them. They are simply frozen by fear. You them, they see a problem as plainly as they see a wart on their faces in the mirror. To anyone else, that issue causing the worry is quite invisible. In fact, it appears to everyone else that these worries are totally made up. It is all in the beholder’s mind.
Crazy as it seems, of the three emotions mentioned this one is often the easiest to conquer. Just like the indescribable fear of the first example, this worry can seem insurmountable until you realise that it often come before that fear takes a hold of you. What you can do about it is simply to practice what you are avoiding. This avoidance is causing you to worry. Yes, you try to avoid it but you’re thinking about it all the time. Dumb isn’t it? So the perfect cure? Simply take action to deal with it.
Find the thing you are avoiding and deal with it one step at a time. Perhaps, it is a window you broke – go own up and offer to fix it. Bigger issues might be debts. Don’t run away. Go to the lenders and offer a repayment plan as you focus on earning more money. You see, you are actually avoiding the cure which will fix the problem. Worrying about it will never make it go away. The determined thoughts with action always will.
You Can Build Confidence
As you can see, these emotions are very much interlinked. One causes the other.
At one time or another of our lives, we have all come across fears, worries and guilt. Some may still haunt us today. As you can see from the video, these seminar participants were once totally unable to speak up have at least begun to speak about themselves for themselves. That is what confidence can do. They have learnt to face their apparent demons. Their confidence can only build.
Successful achievement comes as a result of Confidence. And confidence will give you the will and belief to more success.
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[...] unbelieving mind is constantly imposing limitations on itself. It is that battle of the emotions which first as you get to build some confidence and then doubt or guilt creeps in and you have [...]