I was pondering about the state of my marriage back when before I escaped it. Why might anyone be scared of marriage I asked? We’ve all known of one or other of the couples who had cold feet. Was it the fear of the marriage or the uncertainty of the life-long commitment too daunting? Then when I was in attendance at a formal ceremony I noticed a couple whose husband did not have a wedding band. Another man whom I know was married did not wear one either. So, curiosity got the better of me.
The Wedding Band Cuffs
Wedding Bands Look Bonded Together - A little Like Cuffs
First I asked Mr. A why he did not have a wedding band. “I had the perfect excuse. I put on a lot of weight and my ring wouldn’t fit after I removed it one day. What a relief I don’t feel cuffed to my wife-at least until I get home.”
Mr. B grinned at me and said, “Those things look and feel like handcuffs for fingers. Reminds me of the time I was cuffed for protesting about paying too much money for school. That is, until I get home,” he sighed.
Then there was this very eligible bachelor who happened to be listening in. “These wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs…and the wife holds the key.” You should see the number of ladies approaching him to introduce their eligible daughters.
A Marriage Joker
Then as luck would have it, I came across an old friend who rattled off a bunch of why not marriage jokes. I needed a good laugh and so do we all. I hope you like them…but be forewarned. Sensitive wives need not read. But I enjoyed them.
1) Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!
2) Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.
By Oscar Wilde
3) Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
A Scottish Proverb?
4) I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
By Sam Kinison
5) Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
By H. L. Mencken
6) When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
7) Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
8) When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
either the car is new or the wife.
9) I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.
10) I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?” I’m making finishing touches to my doghouse now.
11) We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
12) My wife was in beauty salon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
13) She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
14) She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” Following her down the street I yelled, “No Love, jump in.”
15) If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course… at least he’ll shut up after you let him in!
16) A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, ‘Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply…A
child…A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself. He
replied “My wife’s first husband.” (alimony ends).
17) A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works.”
That makes 20. Now, I know many of you readers are women. The boys will be chuckling over these. But how many of you ladies are feeling a little twinge of guilt right about now?
